Don't Make it Bad

Ten years have passed.

Taken from my blog...
June 25, 2007

Well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder...

I stopped at the cemetery on Saturday. I needed some quiet time, a place to think and to be alone. I hadn't been to my grandpa's grave in a long time. It's interesting how ten minutes there could give me so much peace.

After a while, I felt sufficiently calm to make my way home. When I got in the car I found the last measure of peace I needed. It's amazing to me how this song surfaces exactly when I need to hear it. "Hey Jude, don't make it bad... "

It was a message, just for me, an earth-to-you lightbulb moment. I need to let it go, release the pain, refrain from carrying the world upon my shoulders. I have a tendency to just store things up for a rainy day, and when that rainy day comes, I can never seem to find what I've been saving. This time though, I found one thing I needed. I got a good dose of encouragement.

"Take a sad song and make it better." That's what I intend to do. I'm through missing the life I had before. It was sad to see it go, but there's so much greatness before me. Why waste my days trying to find what I had before? Why worry about dusting off the past? The future is bright, and my opportunities to be happy are bigger than they've ever been. 

__________

On the way home, I turned my car radio on, and Hey Jude was playing. Hey Jude. Yes, I remember that day so clearly. It's hard to explain how that song has shaped my life. The very first time I heard it, it spoke to my heart. I'd never even heard the words. It was a middle school band concert. I looked up the words a few days later, and they didn't mean much to me then. I just liked the song. It was a nice sentiment, but nothing special... Incredibly, that middle school band concert may have changed the course of my whole life... because I cannot count how many times that song has been playing at just the moment I needed to hear it.

Some people say that the Holy Ghost whispers to them... well, it might sound strange, but more often than not, the Holy Ghost sings to me, and the song is Hey Jude. Weird, I know...

The thing is... I was at the cemetery that day because I was afraid. I was afraid of making the wrong decision. I was afraid to allow myself to be happy. I had spent a lot of the previous year being sad, and I wasn't sure I could do the happy thing.

"Take a sad song and make it better..."

The decision I made that day was to stop moping and being afraid, and to really jump into what I knew would make me happiest... and that is when I finally stopped dating other guys. I knew that happiness was before me, I just needed to let it happen. Here we are, ten years later... and happiness happens every day.

Ten years feels like a big milestone for me. It's a whole decade of happy times, spent with my very best friend. So much has changed, but for me, one thing remains very much the same, and that is how happy I am that he let me take a sad song and make it better.

This photo of us is one of my favorites, because it was taken on probably the very first date we went on after I decided I was ready to be happy. <3

June 30, 2007